Get a Toy Boy

I thoroughly recommend acquiring a man a few years younger than ones self. Since I managed to pull one using the Byonce Knowles ass-wiggle in da club a few weeks ago I have made many life changing alterations to my mundane existence in London post bombings.

I HAVE FINALLY GIVEN UP SMOKING; having a fag after sex usually meant lighting up at the end - But when sex actually goes on longer than 6 minutes I think it is a bit inconsiderate to keep lighting up in between thrusts.

I AM COMFORTABLE NOT WEARING ANY MAKE UP; this is due to the complements I have received from my new beau regarding how youthful I looked when getting out of the shower. I guess what he meant was that without foundation (well tinted moisturiser - this is the noughties) the creases near the eye, mouth and forehead area aren't quite so obvious.

I HAVE BEEN TO THE GYM...TWICE IN 2 DAYS*!; this is probably because he is a 6 pack wearing Adonis type male of the PE teacher variety.

I CAN SWIM 40 LENGTHS IN A REAL POOL WITHOUT RESPITORY AID; perhaps a result of my first point.

I PURCHASED A NEW PLATINUM RAMPANT RABBIT; well, we couldn't let him see the old past its sell by date original version. Same principle of dashing out to TK Maxx and purchasing shed loads of new French designer knickers

Any negatives? Well duuuuuggggghhhh - he is 4 years and 8 months my junior, and that aint gonna change EVER!

*this has not happened since I graduated with a Sports Science degree in 1997!