So, I am an out of work Assistant to a Landscape Architect. Newly married, living in the adult play ground of the world, San Francisco. Doing what my husband has given me a chance to do, which is write. My ideal day would be 4 hours searching Craig’s List for a juicy overpaid part time job, then another 4 hours on the old keyboard typing away a load of old shite. Writing is what it has been referred to me as; “something I could do if I just sat my boney ass down and did”, an easy way to make ends meet. Well, believe me – I have contemplated this for a few years now. I even started to tell people that I was writing a book. I am so fucking sick of them asking me where it is that I have finally sat down, and am on with it*. A slight distraction from looking for a job, but at least I am not eating!
I spend my days wishing I could come up with just one idea that could make me a millisecond millionaire. There seems to be a lot of opportunity for entrepreneurs in this country, but in San Francisco it feels like one must be a really great muralist or be a pioneer in saving the planet, by recycling something as miniscule as the plastic film covering the pecan and cilantro dip at Trader Joe’s. There are a lot of artists here showing their wares, so I guess writing is an art form, so I go fourth. I will be parading up and down Market Street soon wearing nothing but a typewriter ribbon and a feather boa.
Being a British lass in the U.S of A is not too much different as being a Yorkshire lass battling it out* in London for twelve years. I lived in London after completing my college up North in Old York and no one understood me there either. However I was not a novelty item back home as I am here. Since there is not class distinction in this country I am not merely ‘Northern Scum’* from a coal mining background, I am European. Traveled, educated, have an accent and make people laugh - granted it is usually at me and not with me! I must admit I do like all the attention I receive due to my accent, I cannot complain really. Now that I have my husband to translate for me, life is getting a little easier in the States.
Thinking about writing all your life is annoying, especially when every 3rd person you meet advises you to “write a book”. So, you know that you have it in you, and you have support and faith from your family (and other complete strangers), but you feel always that it is wasting time, not constructive and not something a British girl paying $2k rent a month in the Mission should be doing! Can anyone offer me a few shifts in a bar please?
It is not knowing where to start that gets me. I always remember from my impressionable years at an all girl’s private school, that a story must have a beginning, middle and an end. Being that most people who do write for a living almost always include some biographical content one thinks about the end part of the story. I am in my thirties; do I have an end yet? At some point yeah, but how do you get that into a story when you don’t even know what is going to happen yourself? It is then when it clicked. A writer can write his own ending. Artistic license. I can predict my own future – Yeah that is it. My column’s going to be an instant success, I am going make a bucket load of cash and retire in Bali. The end!
If only it was. You know, ever since an ex boyfriend said to me. “You would love to live in Bali” That has been my get out plan, my escape from an ordinary life. Somewhere to go to escape the mundane and completely irrational behavior of my less than ordinary family. Half of whom live State-side. Sometimes I wonder why I actually moved here. I thought it was to be closer to my family, how wrong can one be? A can of worms will probably be opened over the course of these writings, but at the end of the day maybe this is the therapy I have been waiting for!
Just a few things that will help you decipher my ramblings, I have an accent, a thick one, so thick in fact it could cure bacon*. So un-American it seems like a foreign language to most people I meet. So for the purpose of maybe getting published, I am using American spellings and also italicizing words and phrases I deem to be unique to my folk. I have added a glossary for your convenience too.
So, if you do ever get a passport and travel further than than Yosemite, please visit the beautiful Yorkshire countryside. You should pocket a few of these phrases and the local ‘folk’ may even grant you a pint of Ale (no we do not say Ale, my Granddad may though; we say beer, like you guys. However our beer actually has a head on it is a full pint and is not warm, contrary to popular belief). So there you go, some free Brownie points for you. So, don’t say I never give you owt.
Glossary:
On with it: going forth
Battling it out: fighting
Northern Scum: London resident’s usual way of addressing people who do not live within a 30 mile radius of Buckingham Palace.
Buckingham Palace: the Queen’s official residence.
Bacon: a thick strip of pork with one fat end. Not a skinny multi calorie slither of fat soaked crunchy cack. (Similar to Canadian bacon)
Cack: slang for a ‘number two’.
Number two: Cockney Rhyming slang for crap.
Cockney rhyming slang: (now it gets confusing), colloquial utterings from a Cockney’s gob
Cockney: someone born in London within the sound of the bow bells, a church in the East end.
Gob: mouth
Folk: People- Always used when referring to Yorkshire ‘Folk’
Brownie Points: Brownies is the institution little girls are encouraged to before they venture onto Girl Scouts. They wear brown dresses. Well they did when I was one. They now wear themed sweatshirts in a yellow color only maybe a tenth of the Brownie population can actually carry off. This is not explaining the phrase however- I am going to have to ask my husband to try and give me an accurate translation this
Owt: Classic Yorkshire phrase meaning ‘anything’
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
$400.63 for a New Wheel!
I can not believe that the wheel which I had welded last August for over $200 has broken, and caused a flat, which I noticed after I had driven 5 blocks to Safeway's this morning. I did wonder what the noise and steering problems were as I had just paid $330 plus for two new tires and a fucking alignment - Excuse my language, but the whole wheels, which I know are integral to one's car's performance, thing just makes me so angry. All I want to do it make my car move from A to B. With the help of course of my trusted Tom Tom. So, you see it pains me so, that I have been compelled to blog about it.
The dreaded red check engine light came on the other day too. Don't even get me started on that one. That light has caused too many trips to the cash machine and not even the love for my car Joy can allow me to spend any more cash on her. She is getting sold. Along with Matt's Toyota truck, Tracey - they are both being swapped for a hybrid number, dunno which one yet - research is getting done as, well, it isn't actually so any tips form anyone.? Do any of my mates own one, or know anyone that does?
So, it is May. The middle of, Monday at 5.44pm in my new 'hood, the Mission in San Francisco. Matt and I moved in together, and we have been living here just over a week, well, two weeks on Wednesday, that went quick. The sun is shining still, the window to the office, where I am faces East, but the sky is still blue - with the rays hitting the back deck. I love this flat.
There are some obviously hit you straight in the face, which were of some concern from the initial viewing, no no's about the 'hood, like the fact some one had been shot and two people stabbed a week or so before we moved in. We actually discovered later, from the owner of the building, when he came to fix the dodgy lighting, that in fact a kid had been shot on the bench directly under this office window, which is bang your leg on it close to the door step. Well, the lease had been signed.
The whole house hunting thing was a night mare from the start, as Matt was undertaking a huge gig he had planned, which spread across 5 venues over the city, it was the build up and he was glued to his cell and laptop. So, it left me looking at about 15 properties in one weekend and then a scattered few for a nights over two weeks. I am so glad that I did not opt for the 1st one I saw in Noe Valley. Lovely 'hood, but the flat was a cellar basically, the living room floor was tiled (me thinks good for flooding- mind you after earthquake, it would take more than a Swiffer to clean up the mess).
This flat, is a flat, not a 1/4 -ered Victorian botch job, with the bedroom off the kitchen, it is a lovely - above a laundrette kind-of -flat! You go in the front door, up the wooden, painted (mole) steps. There is an original painting of a purple cat, with yellow high-tops running round the corner, classic. Then a landing. I like this as it means all the rooms go off in different directions and are separate. The floors throughout are wooden 3" oak, with a matt varnish - The 1st room to the left is the bedroom, which has an original painting of a blue bear. These paintings are directly painted on the wall, and are the only remnants (well, except a few tiki mugs, a purple glass bowl and nice water jug/vase) from the previous tenant who is an artist. It is cartoon/graffiti-fied, really cool simple lines and colours. Anyway, I move on - The kitchen is big, with a pantry, but all the action is in a long line, starting with a single sink, granite worktops, and an oven. There are plenty of cupboards, but they are high up. I need to stand on an chair to get to the mixer and juicer - I need to get a ladder (where from?). The main problem is that there is no draining board. I did notice this when looked at the place originally, but it's other features were a slight distraction, like massive wardrobe in the bedroom - which turned out to be all mine, because my love has his stuff in the office, which is supposed to be a second bedroom, so that is where the closet is. Plus his '30's dressers look ace in here. Then there is the wonderful original fireplace, complete with mirror, two shelves and columns, but sadly only producing a redundant gas pipe which was an update of the wood burning instead of a real fire. Come on doesn't that sound cosy? Anyway, it turns out that heat is not a problem, because as long as we are living above this laundrette those tumble dryers are gonna keep us warm, and probably send us deaf too!
The bathroom is new, it is small, but has storage for towels and my plastic boxes of utter crap. You know I have lived here for nearly three years and when I moved last week from the suburbnes of San Mateo to the Missionnes of the Mission I found a Boots brand bottle of hair mouse. Now since when exactly has mouse been extinct? I mean come on - when did you last use it? I had a moment of nostalgia, I must admit, but only for the Boot's logo. Boots did some great sandwiches. Hope M&S's did not bag all that business and Boot's is still going strong. Oh, I love the one at Heathrow Airport. Er, bathroom - yeah, nice dark granite floor tiles, and white for the shower. The shower is above the bath, not my favourite, but it it the norm here.
Then through the kitchen is the back storage room, which leads onto the deck. I am gonna get 5 galvanised dustbins, slimmish though, and plant bamboo - this will stop wind and block out the ugly flats to the left. The view straight is OK - There is a cafe and it's patio is there, with little picnic tables, tucked under a canopy of fruit trees. Not seen much action out there yet. I am just waiting for rats - I know a bit of a drastic switch- 'cause it brings me on to something else that I must remember to do - Get a cat. I know, ironic isn't it? I found one a few blog posts ago, Milo - Only had two emails from him, and he forgot about me, see how fickle can one be? I found two catnip stuffed mice in the move too - he was so spoiled, the ungrateful sod! So, yeah - I have been looking on Craig's List for a cat, I want a tom, indoor or out - he can do what he pleases. So, I have signed up with an adoption agency and have also been looking at spoiled little kittys form people who are going to abandon them! There are some lovely ones about - but none I have bonded with in Cat Cyber space with yet.
I am looking for a job as well as moving. Why is my life chill for ages then BANG, gets all hectic for a while? So, I am still working for JP - The Landscape Architect, but it is only part time, because I left my other job to start a restaurant, which I am no longer part of, long story, nearly at the end of this!, So yeah, I am here in San Francisco, in a really lovely part of town, bordering Protrero Hill, I really like it - looking for a job in the landscaping industry, doing anything but heavy lifting- Prefer site surveying and 'rendering', only partial bending and slight wrist movement! Go figure. (in a So.Cal. accent of course).
So yeah it is all good, except for tomorrow when I see that dreaded red check engine light gawping at me at 8am when I am off to work!
See ya x
The dreaded red check engine light came on the other day too. Don't even get me started on that one. That light has caused too many trips to the cash machine and not even the love for my car Joy can allow me to spend any more cash on her. She is getting sold. Along with Matt's Toyota truck, Tracey - they are both being swapped for a hybrid number, dunno which one yet - research is getting done as, well, it isn't actually so any tips form anyone.? Do any of my mates own one, or know anyone that does?
So, it is May. The middle of, Monday at 5.44pm in my new 'hood, the Mission in San Francisco. Matt and I moved in together, and we have been living here just over a week, well, two weeks on Wednesday, that went quick. The sun is shining still, the window to the office, where I am faces East, but the sky is still blue - with the rays hitting the back deck. I love this flat.
There are some obviously hit you straight in the face, which were of some concern from the initial viewing, no no's about the 'hood, like the fact some one had been shot and two people stabbed a week or so before we moved in. We actually discovered later, from the owner of the building, when he came to fix the dodgy lighting, that in fact a kid had been shot on the bench directly under this office window, which is bang your leg on it close to the door step. Well, the lease had been signed.
The whole house hunting thing was a night mare from the start, as Matt was undertaking a huge gig he had planned, which spread across 5 venues over the city, it was the build up and he was glued to his cell and laptop. So, it left me looking at about 15 properties in one weekend and then a scattered few for a nights over two weeks. I am so glad that I did not opt for the 1st one I saw in Noe Valley. Lovely 'hood, but the flat was a cellar basically, the living room floor was tiled (me thinks good for flooding- mind you after earthquake, it would take more than a Swiffer to clean up the mess).
This flat, is a flat, not a 1/4 -ered Victorian botch job, with the bedroom off the kitchen, it is a lovely - above a laundrette kind-of -flat! You go in the front door, up the wooden, painted (mole) steps. There is an original painting of a purple cat, with yellow high-tops running round the corner, classic. Then a landing. I like this as it means all the rooms go off in different directions and are separate. The floors throughout are wooden 3" oak, with a matt varnish - The 1st room to the left is the bedroom, which has an original painting of a blue bear. These paintings are directly painted on the wall, and are the only remnants (well, except a few tiki mugs, a purple glass bowl and nice water jug/vase) from the previous tenant who is an artist. It is cartoon/graffiti-fied, really cool simple lines and colours. Anyway, I move on - The kitchen is big, with a pantry, but all the action is in a long line, starting with a single sink, granite worktops, and an oven. There are plenty of cupboards, but they are high up. I need to stand on an chair to get to the mixer and juicer - I need to get a ladder (where from?). The main problem is that there is no draining board. I did notice this when looked at the place originally, but it's other features were a slight distraction, like massive wardrobe in the bedroom - which turned out to be all mine, because my love has his stuff in the office, which is supposed to be a second bedroom, so that is where the closet is. Plus his '30's dressers look ace in here. Then there is the wonderful original fireplace, complete with mirror, two shelves and columns, but sadly only producing a redundant gas pipe which was an update of the wood burning instead of a real fire. Come on doesn't that sound cosy? Anyway, it turns out that heat is not a problem, because as long as we are living above this laundrette those tumble dryers are gonna keep us warm, and probably send us deaf too!
The bathroom is new, it is small, but has storage for towels and my plastic boxes of utter crap. You know I have lived here for nearly three years and when I moved last week from the suburbnes of San Mateo to the Missionnes of the Mission I found a Boots brand bottle of hair mouse. Now since when exactly has mouse been extinct? I mean come on - when did you last use it? I had a moment of nostalgia, I must admit, but only for the Boot's logo. Boots did some great sandwiches. Hope M&S's did not bag all that business and Boot's is still going strong. Oh, I love the one at Heathrow Airport. Er, bathroom - yeah, nice dark granite floor tiles, and white for the shower. The shower is above the bath, not my favourite, but it it the norm here.
Then through the kitchen is the back storage room, which leads onto the deck. I am gonna get 5 galvanised dustbins, slimmish though, and plant bamboo - this will stop wind and block out the ugly flats to the left. The view straight is OK - There is a cafe and it's patio is there, with little picnic tables, tucked under a canopy of fruit trees. Not seen much action out there yet. I am just waiting for rats - I know a bit of a drastic switch- 'cause it brings me on to something else that I must remember to do - Get a cat. I know, ironic isn't it? I found one a few blog posts ago, Milo - Only had two emails from him, and he forgot about me, see how fickle can one be? I found two catnip stuffed mice in the move too - he was so spoiled, the ungrateful sod! So, yeah - I have been looking on Craig's List for a cat, I want a tom, indoor or out - he can do what he pleases. So, I have signed up with an adoption agency and have also been looking at spoiled little kittys form people who are going to abandon them! There are some lovely ones about - but none I have bonded with in Cat Cyber space with yet.
I am looking for a job as well as moving. Why is my life chill for ages then BANG, gets all hectic for a while? So, I am still working for JP - The Landscape Architect, but it is only part time, because I left my other job to start a restaurant, which I am no longer part of, long story, nearly at the end of this!, So yeah, I am here in San Francisco, in a really lovely part of town, bordering Protrero Hill, I really like it - looking for a job in the landscaping industry, doing anything but heavy lifting- Prefer site surveying and 'rendering', only partial bending and slight wrist movement! Go figure. (in a So.Cal. accent of course).
So yeah it is all good, except for tomorrow when I see that dreaded red check engine light gawping at me at 8am when I am off to work!
See ya x
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Trip to Tahoe
Hello dearest blog-readers,
How the devil are you?
I have just come back, well, on Monday, from a fantastic weekend of skiing fun up in the mountains at Lake Tahoe. I went back to Heavenly, which brought back many happy of memories of this time last year. It is such a beautiful resort. Sarah and Jose came for a week last January and we skied in a snow storm. I remember exactly where we were when we stopped for a hot cocoa, the pictures of the gang on this post are taken in the same spot. On my previous visit I could not see my hand in front of my face.
We drove up, well, Matt did the driving, (my brother James sat in the front and I was fetal positioned up in the tiny seats in the back of Matt's truck) last Friday. I had booked a cabin at Zephyr Cove in Nevada, which slept 12. With a lot of emailing, calling and stressing I managed to get 8 people. It was a decent size place, but the bedrooms weren't to private or roomy enough. Matt and I got the master room, however it was the home of the World's loudest heating system. It went off every 30 minutes, just giving one time to nod back off before blasting you in the ear drums with some serious gusto.
Hope you like the snaps x
Monday, January 07, 2008
Happy 2008
Well, I cannot believe it has been so bloody long since I got off mt fat arse and blogged - well, I need to be sat on my bum to blog and it's not fat so I guess I should scrap that whole sentence.
I must say Facebook has been occupying most of my spare- 'let's talk about me' time. If you are not a member of this blogathon phenomenon I suggest you get off your lazy fat butts and get an account - I am there under my new email address harponjo@gmail.com if you have a spare second of 'let's look at Jo time' to spare, so to speak.
I am also in a full-on relationship with a lovely, gorgeously gorgeous man (Matt) who needs my undivided attention thus rendering it impossible to blog, or write anything much, hence my emails are slacker of late and also why Facebook is such a revelation. One can be a right nosey biatch without speaking to anyone, pop a few pictures of fun weekend events on the album section and search for school bullies and x-bestist forever friends and see how popular you are compared to your other friends.
They are real friends though, people who I have on my list - I do get odd requests from time to time from randoms wishing to be acquainted with me, but that is not what Facebook is about. Now, if I were still single it could be a cheaper way than Match.com to find a date. Me? Never! - those times passed me by with nothing but a few notes (for future publications) and a quick trip to the STD clinic (JOKE - oh how I wish I did not have to write joke here, but it is; would be a lot funnier without, but could end up with me being dumped and thus finding a whole new purpose of my daily Facebook wanderings). Facebook is my new fix - since I watch no TV (well, OK I confess- only 'cause Matt will contradict me), OK. I own no TV. I do watch other people's IE my room mate's when she's out, or Matt's when I have decided enough is enough and I want a night in. I am trying to say Facebook is my Coronation St, my Eastenders, my Big Brother. Since I moved to San Francisco 2 1/2 years ago I have had to find something to entertain my restless gossip leach and Facebook my friends is the way to go.
I was impressed with the 'superwall' function which allows one to play youtube videos. However when I tried to download a skiing vid- you know just to show off that I am now the Ski Master- capable of skidding down double black diamonds with the rest of 'em. In fact I see one can now blog a video so here goes- 1st video on my blog (fingers crossed).
And before I leave thanks for the support you whinge bags give me to continue these mindless rants- now I know I am missed I may be able to add a few more entries. Keep smiling, keep reading. Miss you more than you will ever know xx
I must say Facebook has been occupying most of my spare- 'let's talk about me' time. If you are not a member of this blogathon phenomenon I suggest you get off your lazy fat butts and get an account - I am there under my new email address harponjo@gmail.com if you have a spare second of 'let's look at Jo time' to spare, so to speak.
I am also in a full-on relationship with a lovely, gorgeously gorgeous man (Matt) who needs my undivided attention thus rendering it impossible to blog, or write anything much, hence my emails are slacker of late and also why Facebook is such a revelation. One can be a right nosey biatch without speaking to anyone, pop a few pictures of fun weekend events on the album section and search for school bullies and x-bestist forever friends and see how popular you are compared to your other friends.
They are real friends though, people who I have on my list - I do get odd requests from time to time from randoms wishing to be acquainted with me, but that is not what Facebook is about. Now, if I were still single it could be a cheaper way than Match.com to find a date. Me? Never! - those times passed me by with nothing but a few notes (for future publications) and a quick trip to the STD clinic (JOKE - oh how I wish I did not have to write joke here, but it is; would be a lot funnier without, but could end up with me being dumped and thus finding a whole new purpose of my daily Facebook wanderings). Facebook is my new fix - since I watch no TV (well, OK I confess- only 'cause Matt will contradict me), OK. I own no TV. I do watch other people's IE my room mate's when she's out, or Matt's when I have decided enough is enough and I want a night in. I am trying to say Facebook is my Coronation St, my Eastenders, my Big Brother. Since I moved to San Francisco 2 1/2 years ago I have had to find something to entertain my restless gossip leach and Facebook my friends is the way to go.
I was impressed with the 'superwall' function which allows one to play youtube videos. However when I tried to download a skiing vid- you know just to show off that I am now the Ski Master- capable of skidding down double black diamonds with the rest of 'em. In fact I see one can now blog a video so here goes- 1st video on my blog (fingers crossed).
And before I leave thanks for the support you whinge bags give me to continue these mindless rants- now I know I am missed I may be able to add a few more entries. Keep smiling, keep reading. Miss you more than you will ever know xx
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