Ey Up,
Just to let you know I am back in my home town of Keighley for a week. Back in the big smoke on Easter Monday.
Happy Easter for then by the way - bet you are wondering what happened to me giving up smoking for Lent? Well, it lasted a day, then resumed and lasted two days. Now I am back on about 5 smokes a day, so I guess I will not be getting an egg this Easter, and the priest will probably dish out a fair few Hail Marys if I even attempt to set foot into a confessional box. I am a looser, an addict, a chaver, pikey git.
I was out for dinner with Sarah's boss Glyn and a few mutual friends on Thursday and I managed to go through a case of wine, a wonderfully sumptuous glass of Port and a brandy without even thinking of a fag. However it was the coffee that did it. I had to make several excuses up just so I could justify lighting up in such lovely none-smoking company and succumbed to sucking the ass off a M Light even though my head still yells "Think about it biatch....It is your giving up for Lent thingie". I began to wish I had given up something easy like eating dog pooh sarnies, but oh no, I decided smoking would be my goal for this religious occasion and I failed miserably. Why is it so hard? I usually manage to do what I say I am gonna do without any problem, but it seems the enemy Mr nicotine put a stop to that. Now I feel even more miserable as I have let the Lord down! I am a good Catholic girl by the way, but have chosen not to do the church thing since the nuns stopped whipping me with their rosary beads at 1st school. I do however still indulge in the odd pressy at Christmas and a few chocy eggs at Easter, and of course my children will have to endure the same bible bashing, I mean studies as I did.
Anyway, I am here at my grandparent's house, just finished the washing up after being fed a delicious granddad stylee spag bol. Oh what it is to be home. I have been sleeping in my old room and still love routing through the cupboards looking for family treasures and memorabilia, such as 1st swimming certificate for 10m, and old GCSE course work and the infamous family photo albums.
I must say the chair at the top of the landing still gives me the willies as it has lion's feet and a weird carved back, I feel eyes following me round the landing. Probably spy cams installed by granddad. He seems to be more technically minded than me (would not take much though), I am actually blogging from his PC right now. Bless him, he has a printer and a scanner too. Deffo more hardwear than me. Note to me. Buy a printer when one gets a job.
Talking of which, I am still on the look out for a temp job. I am not surprised there are so may homeless in London. The streets are paved with empty McDonald's wrappers and Starbuck's cups. No work in the temping field. Therefore I am back to the old trade and am digging up grandma's garden for some hard earned pocket money. I wish I had done the audition for Corrie all those years ago- I would be famous right now and not worrying about the growth speed of snowdrops up here in comparison to down South. They are well into their blooming season in San Fran - Mum gave me the low-down on her bulbs the other week. Mind you an American snowdrop is as big as a sunflower here - Typical, they have to be bigger. But in this case not necessarily better - Don't you prefer the tiny little specimens?
Ok I am loosing the plot a bit. Must say I have been reading a lot lately as well as dealing with loads of pants down to the knees builders who are doing work on the house. My life does not warrant a daily or even weekly blog. I am however open to jokes for the speech I am making at Leanne's wedding on April 16th - any suggestions? Please, I only know a few 'Knock Knock' jokes, the main one being the old Dr Who one - which although very topical right now is about as ancient as Camilla Parlker Bowles Chief Bridesmaid.
See Thee,
Jo x
Monday, March 21, 2005
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Estate Sale
Dear all who are calling me complaining I am a lazy blogger,
I must apologize for my lack of effort in the blogging department but I have been a busy beaver of late. Mainly catching up with old friends and getting my fill on the gossip front. I have also been entertaining quite a few estate agents and have even been offered a job by one of them. Apparently my negotiating skills are some what shark like so I would fit in their shoes - that is if I was staying here.
As you know I am not, I am planning to get to America as soon as possible, with the land of opportunity at my feet I am sure I will be coming up with a pretty alternative lifestyle change which will not involve selling houses. On this subject however I would like to use this page to tell you about my estate sale. Rather grand title I know - It is an American phrase for car boot sale. Since I no longer have a car boot from which to show my life times collectibles I am having a sale at my home a week on Saturday.
I am currently dragging stuff out of the cupboards, cleaning and pricing them up and putting them in my pristine shed to sell to the neighborhood. There will be some bargains as I have still not got a job and my shoe fetish is suffering to say the least. My feet are still not too sure about being covered up after wearing flip flops for 5 months - however they are really chilly and I am in need of some warm boots. Hopefully selling my pan collection can aid this purchase. So if you are interested please feel free to ask questions - I am considering eBay for the electrical stuff. I can assure you they are all in fantastic nick.
Ok back to it. Hope you are all well, I wish I could organise a party before I depart, however this is not practical as my buddies seem to be living from John O Groats to Lands End. I will try and give you all a call before I depart.
Big Love to you all xx
I must apologize for my lack of effort in the blogging department but I have been a busy beaver of late. Mainly catching up with old friends and getting my fill on the gossip front. I have also been entertaining quite a few estate agents and have even been offered a job by one of them. Apparently my negotiating skills are some what shark like so I would fit in their shoes - that is if I was staying here.
As you know I am not, I am planning to get to America as soon as possible, with the land of opportunity at my feet I am sure I will be coming up with a pretty alternative lifestyle change which will not involve selling houses. On this subject however I would like to use this page to tell you about my estate sale. Rather grand title I know - It is an American phrase for car boot sale. Since I no longer have a car boot from which to show my life times collectibles I am having a sale at my home a week on Saturday.
I am currently dragging stuff out of the cupboards, cleaning and pricing them up and putting them in my pristine shed to sell to the neighborhood. There will be some bargains as I have still not got a job and my shoe fetish is suffering to say the least. My feet are still not too sure about being covered up after wearing flip flops for 5 months - however they are really chilly and I am in need of some warm boots. Hopefully selling my pan collection can aid this purchase. So if you are interested please feel free to ask questions - I am considering eBay for the electrical stuff. I can assure you they are all in fantastic nick.
Ok back to it. Hope you are all well, I wish I could organise a party before I depart, however this is not practical as my buddies seem to be living from John O Groats to Lands End. I will try and give you all a call before I depart.
Big Love to you all xx
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
For Rent
First of all I should post the most important fact de jour - My mother is OK - Biopsy results came back clear. However she needs to be kept an eye on as she is a bit lumpy in the breast area and needs to have mammogrammes every six months. It is a good job she does not know how to use a PC or else I would not be getting my pocket money this week!
So it is back to the Harper of old, I can feel a few jokes coming on - One of them being the sheer injustice I discovered yesterday when I had a dreaded Estate Agent to my castle to tell me how much I was gonna make becoming a landlord. Hummmmm, I decided to reserve judgment on the guy, who was called Chris and looked younger than Garath Gates. But I cannot bite my tongue any longer. What a rip off. Renting one property is not a fast way to becoming the next Richard Branson. The fees are extortionate and I am compelled to let the world wide web know what to expect if they go off traveling for 5 months, come home, become a landlord and get the hell out of dodge back to the land of opportunity.
The finders fee, which consists of putting an ad in the local paper and posting the property on the net., conducting credit checks on the tenant and collecting a deposit and 1 month's rent is 750 quid (please not I do not have a pound sign on this PC).
Then that is it - I am on my own, living 6,500 miles from home and I am responsible for collecting subsequent rents and dealing with any problems which occur such as malfunctioning washing machine etc etc.
Dealing with failing electrical equipment and hassling people for non payment of rent is not an ideal job if one is living 8 hours behind the UK and have a 10 hour flight to contend with when the demands call for it.
So, the full management package may seem appealing, that is if one is prepared to pay 65 quid a month on top of the finders fee to leave the Agents in charge. This does not insure one against anything. As a landlord one would be expected to accept the Agent's work men visiting the house to carry our any required works and would just get the cost deducted from the rent before it even reaches the bank account.
The inventory of items is costly, approximately 70 quid for the initial checks then the same again for them to calculate the exact extent to which the tenant has fleeced you of your life time collection of pots, pans and crockery.
Each time a 6 month lease is signed the finders fee is payable and the tax for one traveling abroad is automatically deducted from any rent at 22% or 40% (I do not get these figures, but I am sure I will once I speak to my accountant).
If all of that is not enough one has to change the mortgage to let out a property, which will cost about 500 quid, get all the gas safety certifications from a Corgi registered geeza and make sure any furniture one leaves is fire proof!
I have slept on the idea of renting, and as I am only planning on doing it for 6 months and have no intentions on planning to live here again. It seems that out of the 6 months rent I will only get 3 months, the Agent will get the same. Now if he looked like Garath Gates and has as big a willy as Jordan put it in her autobiography (yes, I can admit to reading this but only as an aid to get me to sleep through the jet lag!) I may be prepared to throw away so much lolly. But he wasn't, and I don't think I will thank you very much.
I am getting a second opinion this evening, which means hoovering, dusting and hiding all my mess under the sofa yet again. Then listening to all the dribble about what I will be liable for if anything so much as a cup of tea gets spilled on the carpet.
Decisions, decisions I want to sell, however all my elders are advising against this, as it is an investment. So is putting the cash in a high interest account. What are the tax implications? Any comments?
So it is back to the Harper of old, I can feel a few jokes coming on - One of them being the sheer injustice I discovered yesterday when I had a dreaded Estate Agent to my castle to tell me how much I was gonna make becoming a landlord. Hummmmm, I decided to reserve judgment on the guy, who was called Chris and looked younger than Garath Gates. But I cannot bite my tongue any longer. What a rip off. Renting one property is not a fast way to becoming the next Richard Branson. The fees are extortionate and I am compelled to let the world wide web know what to expect if they go off traveling for 5 months, come home, become a landlord and get the hell out of dodge back to the land of opportunity.
The finders fee, which consists of putting an ad in the local paper and posting the property on the net., conducting credit checks on the tenant and collecting a deposit and 1 month's rent is 750 quid (please not I do not have a pound sign on this PC).
Then that is it - I am on my own, living 6,500 miles from home and I am responsible for collecting subsequent rents and dealing with any problems which occur such as malfunctioning washing machine etc etc.
Dealing with failing electrical equipment and hassling people for non payment of rent is not an ideal job if one is living 8 hours behind the UK and have a 10 hour flight to contend with when the demands call for it.
So, the full management package may seem appealing, that is if one is prepared to pay 65 quid a month on top of the finders fee to leave the Agents in charge. This does not insure one against anything. As a landlord one would be expected to accept the Agent's work men visiting the house to carry our any required works and would just get the cost deducted from the rent before it even reaches the bank account.
The inventory of items is costly, approximately 70 quid for the initial checks then the same again for them to calculate the exact extent to which the tenant has fleeced you of your life time collection of pots, pans and crockery.
Each time a 6 month lease is signed the finders fee is payable and the tax for one traveling abroad is automatically deducted from any rent at 22% or 40% (I do not get these figures, but I am sure I will once I speak to my accountant).
If all of that is not enough one has to change the mortgage to let out a property, which will cost about 500 quid, get all the gas safety certifications from a Corgi registered geeza and make sure any furniture one leaves is fire proof!
I have slept on the idea of renting, and as I am only planning on doing it for 6 months and have no intentions on planning to live here again. It seems that out of the 6 months rent I will only get 3 months, the Agent will get the same. Now if he looked like Garath Gates and has as big a willy as Jordan put it in her autobiography (yes, I can admit to reading this but only as an aid to get me to sleep through the jet lag!) I may be prepared to throw away so much lolly. But he wasn't, and I don't think I will thank you very much.
I am getting a second opinion this evening, which means hoovering, dusting and hiding all my mess under the sofa yet again. Then listening to all the dribble about what I will be liable for if anything so much as a cup of tea gets spilled on the carpet.
Decisions, decisions I want to sell, however all my elders are advising against this, as it is an investment. So is putting the cash in a high interest account. What are the tax implications? Any comments?
Sunday, March 06, 2005
1st Set of Pictures
Hey What Up - Or Wup (my Yorkshire abbreviated version),
I have finally had the time and have inclination to get set up posting pictures - I am not sure how to get any more of them on to the site so I can then download to the Blog - So the ones I have posted today are from the 1st set I took in Brazil. I wish I could figure how to put them all on here for you so you could flick through them like a regular album - Well, I am getting there. Patience my dears - I may surprise you.
Mum gets her biopsy results tomorrow so I am slightly concerned - did not get much sleep last night. I am soooo trying to quit smoking too. All this is really heart stopping and cigarettes are lethal. It is really hard to quit. I had one at 3am and not touched one since - about 9 hours and I have been asleep for most of those. All I am doing is staring at the packets of duty frees I have laying round the place.
Monday tomorrow and I am waiting to get a call from one of the plethora of agencies I have signed up with for temp work. I had the shock of my life when I was asked the min hourly rate I would go for I had to say 6 quid!!! My God I have not worked for such a paltry sum since I did a month at Grandma Wild's Biscuit factory during my A'levels!
Anyway I am so trying to get the house packed up and get myself a renter in from the 1st April - Then I am planning to move back to the States - My mum could do with the help and I am not even gonna try and get acclimatized to this place again. I have too much under my belt since I left here in October and I really need to get back in the sun. British attitudes seem to suck too. I can not let anything interrupt my karma right now.
I have finally had the time and have inclination to get set up posting pictures - I am not sure how to get any more of them on to the site so I can then download to the Blog - So the ones I have posted today are from the 1st set I took in Brazil. I wish I could figure how to put them all on here for you so you could flick through them like a regular album - Well, I am getting there. Patience my dears - I may surprise you.
Mum gets her biopsy results tomorrow so I am slightly concerned - did not get much sleep last night. I am soooo trying to quit smoking too. All this is really heart stopping and cigarettes are lethal. It is really hard to quit. I had one at 3am and not touched one since - about 9 hours and I have been asleep for most of those. All I am doing is staring at the packets of duty frees I have laying round the place.
Monday tomorrow and I am waiting to get a call from one of the plethora of agencies I have signed up with for temp work. I had the shock of my life when I was asked the min hourly rate I would go for I had to say 6 quid!!! My God I have not worked for such a paltry sum since I did a month at Grandma Wild's Biscuit factory during my A'levels!
Anyway I am so trying to get the house packed up and get myself a renter in from the 1st April - Then I am planning to move back to the States - My mum could do with the help and I am not even gonna try and get acclimatized to this place again. I have too much under my belt since I left here in October and I really need to get back in the sun. British attitudes seem to suck too. I can not let anything interrupt my karma right now.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Trying to Post Pictures
I have SO much to say and no time at the moment - I am on about 40 wpm typing now and have the luxury of my own home to type - however I am on the lap top and have not quite realised how hard it is to really go for it. So I will be back tomorrow with a concise update of my life since Brazil. I will tell you I did have 2 weeks back in California and I am definitely going back as London SUCKS. I had made my mind up before I left Brazil, but I have had to come back to sort our my affairs.
I am usually full of wit (not shit dear friends), but as you all know my mum was in for a biopsy yesterday on a lump they found on her left breasticle. She gets the results on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed.
All I want to say is it is absolutely freezing cold in London - In fact snow settled the other day leaving the garden white and clean - just settled long enough for me to hide in the comfort of the house and pretend the garden was ok left to its own devices. I must say not too much damage occurred during my absence so I will have to fight off the sunshine blues and get my bottom in there soon.
I have posted a picture on my profile - It typifies me, fag in hand. I must admit I am trying to quit however it seems very hard when one has a house full of duty frees!
Late x
I am usually full of wit (not shit dear friends), but as you all know my mum was in for a biopsy yesterday on a lump they found on her left breasticle. She gets the results on Monday, so keep your fingers crossed.
All I want to say is it is absolutely freezing cold in London - In fact snow settled the other day leaving the garden white and clean - just settled long enough for me to hide in the comfort of the house and pretend the garden was ok left to its own devices. I must say not too much damage occurred during my absence so I will have to fight off the sunshine blues and get my bottom in there soon.
I have posted a picture on my profile - It typifies me, fag in hand. I must admit I am trying to quit however it seems very hard when one has a house full of duty frees!
Late x
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