Life After Nearly Getting Wed

I have not been arsed to Blog since Easter, and after reading my old posts today I decided it was probably time to come clean about the reason I started Blogging in the first place. I am not usually so mysterious as I have many friends with whom I blab on to about my mental life.
I feel it is time to blog the real me. I have been on a mad journey since last October, when I finally broke away from my Ex-Fiance. I was due to be wed on Dec 28th 2004 and cancelled the big day last June.
So with over a year having passed by with such speed I can finally reflect on the ups and ups and downs I have experienced since I made the decision to change the course of my life.
I have stopped my 3 a day splif smoking habit. I realised that I could not obtain any illegal substances while on the South American trip and saw this as a perfect opportunity to shut the door on my student days and days of hiding behind a big cloud of smoke. So far so good. I can see clearly now. I realised that due to my stoner status I was ignoring and not quite grasping the reality which was my unsuitable relationship with my fiance and at the same time immaturely hanging on to my student image. Grow up woman, you graduated in 1997!
Stopping smoking the green stuff also made me realise I was addicted to nicotine;as it is obligatory to mix the green with the tobacco my dependence on Marlboro Lights alarmingly increased from 6 a day to over 20 a day while on my travels.
I can now happily say I am trying my hardest to quit the cigs. It will be 2 weeks on Monday since I let the dreaded weed past my lips and with all my new found strength and willpower I feel this habit may have been cracked too.
My final habit which took so long to crack was my 5 year relationship. I have no malice to convey and wish him luck. It is so difficult to realise your fairytale will disperse into a nightmare unless you have the strength to give up the ghost.
Many months have been spent deliberating, hours rationalising, reasoning and regurgitating over the phone with him and to my dear friends. Emails are not the easiest way to communicate with someone when you are dealing with such sensitive matters, especially when one is in England and the other is in S America.
It took some doing but he is out of my life. I would love to be friends but that will never work, so we said our final goodbyes and can try and get on with our lives.
I am still writing my book and have a title and a structure. The structural element was really hard to think up and this alone took me 8 months. Let's hope I can fill in some of my old stoner time with my writings, anything is better than an ashtray full of roaches, a life living with a roach and a future with no hope.
XX