Best Friend´s Wedding

Hello my blogster budsters,
I have been too up my own arse to realise that I have a very special occasion coming up on 16th April. I have never forgot that I am due to be the Chief Bridesmaid at my best friend from Uni, Miss Leanne Dyas´ very special day. She is marrying Mr Richard (Richy) Lumb, with whom she has been Siamese-twinned to since 26/12/´94. ´Bout bloody time I hear you cry, my sentiments exactly.
Anyway, I have been receiving various emails regarding wedding venue hotel deals, hen nights and dress fittings for several months now. It does not seem 2 minutes ago since we were attending Fresher´s ball and discovering we were the only two people in York who spoke with a Yorkshire accent.
Now, the reason for this blog is to obviously give my sincere best wishes and congratulations and good luck with the plans and all that jazz, however my main concern is the speech!
Yes, speech. As chief bridesmaid and bestist of bestist friends in the whole wide world I have been nominated to make a speech. This is due to the fact that the Father of the Bride, Best Man and Groom are all absolutely petrified of making a complete and utter twat of themselves in public. Since I have been doing so for the past, well, when did I learn to talk? About 29 years, I seem to be the obvious choice to get the guests into a complete fit of fall of their balloon-decorated chairs with laughter and confirm how fantastic the families, couple, maids, caterers and Dave the DJ are, have been and will be.
I need a plan. I have been advised no rugby drinking type games (come on Leanne, a few toasts will be ´´traditional´´ and no photographs.
Now if you knew Leanne you would know that all the social and non-fascinating events since we commenced uni have been documented, in date order, in numbered photograph albums; they even have their own shelves in the office at her house. No photographs, why did she keep such a chronicle of our mad happenings then, if she did not want them blown up to poster size and exhibited around the very swish venue? Only joking babe. It is your special day and I promise not to show the one of you being sick in the ladies at Old John´s reunion - which you did actually post me a copy off - oh if only you could turn back the clock eh?
seriously you lot, I need help. I am not funny on command, I simply make people laugh when I am not pressured in any way. Now I am feeling the burn - Just before carnival as well, did you wanna spoil the last 10 days of my Brazil trip?
Anyone who knows Leanne or Richie for that matter have you any ideas - on a postcard please. No - email me harperjo@gmail.com. Do not post anything on the web, ´cause she is on it like a hawk.
I absolutely poohing my pants at the thought, seriously. It brings me back to my speech when I was contending against the great Alex AKA Bugsy for the hokey team´s Club captaincy post. Which I of course won - but that is not the point.