Just Sorting Out My CV

I am off back to Blighty in the morning and will be looking for a job until I get a visa. As it is about minus 10 degrees in Yorkshire I am opting for an office job - Back in the Printing world. My mate Mike just sent me this - It sums up the industry really!

Saturday Night In Barcelona

Ola. Buenas Noche.
Just thought I would let you know about my Saturday evening in Barcelona. I went to a party at Hotel Omm which is about as pretencious as it gets in Barca, well, you know the Armani clad bouncers, who all seemed to look like Antonio Banderas; the overpriced drinks; the leather poofs (not gay men sillys, the foot rests).
I had been invited by the promotor - just to add to the pretenciousness, who I met in a bar when out with Heather and Sarah a few weeks ago. He is called Jerman. I call him Alleman which is Spanish for German - all a bit confusing, especially after a few vodka con limons. OK I will stop with the Spanish as most of my readers can not understand English too well, hence the sudden influx of pictures - Bit like reading the Sunday papers really - you can flick through and take a gander at all my scrummy pics. I have added this one for you so u can slag off my red bra. I have only 3 bras on me as you all know my clothes are in another continent right now. Well, at least my jewelry matches. It was taken just before I went out at midnight on Sat.
I have had the pleasure of meeting a Northern Lass who is originally from the Wirral, but has been in NYC designing acessories for the past 10 years so she came round for dinner - Cauliflower Surprise. Can not give more than that away, thus ruining the surprise, but if you did ever get lucky enough to sample some, I am sure you'd love it. Mam, ta for t' recipe. Few roast spuds too, need a bit of substance when one is about to embark on serious measures of alcohol in the old bebidas - sorry drinks. Oh these lessons are really paying off.
In fact I spoke Spanish all night on Sat - everyone knows my occupation, where I am from, where I want to live and my mother's brother's children's names - simply cousins I know, but one must maximise one's vocab skills. Talking of which I must gt on and do my homework, instead of maulding round the house all day. It's a shame I only know the the present tense, a few irregular verbs and the reflexive verbs - by the way that means you do it to your self - Mastabatarse, can you guess that one? Always COMES in HANDY!
Dancing was the order of the evening, it did sem like a bit of a school disco upon 1st inspection but as I became more inhibriated I could see the sense in dancing like summat not quite right for the rest of the evening. Still suffering a bit from the old ski muscle injuries, however after a few leg kicks they began to warm up a bit.
Lots of demin I noticed, not much dressing up here - I am beginning to think it is only girls from Leeds, Newcastle and Kent who dress like they are off to a gay wedding ceremony that's being held in Ibiza. Really I am serious, us Brits do not seem to wear very much and it was commented on by a Swiss pal of mine from class. I miss that though, it's good to flaunt some flesh and try & match some bikini top with the shortest skirt off the rack. I think boys like it better too- Why wouldn't they wanna see a bit of snatch when they are out for a good time on a Saturday? Yes, jeans are big here, so are very strange dread lock mullets. I have not been home for a while and really do hope that this fashion has been religated to the great fashion disaster record books, come on boys - you are nothing like a footy player - Grow up. Nah, it's actually the women who sport these weird doidges (as I would say) they involve a fringe that looks like something someone, with no fingers and a machettie would achieve if one was daft enough to walk in to a salon employing the physically imparred and ask for a mullet. I need to think of a word for this new doidge. Bullet is the right description for a bald head with long bits grasping on for dear life down the neck - Bald-Mullet right? But this outragous crime to OTHER PEOPLE'S vision is a serious misdemeanour, some sort of law needs to be written preventing such fashion disasters. I mean we are the one's looking it it - No one go's round with a mirror constantly glued to once face - well, apart from Kate Moss - No, sorry she's all reformed and that - whoops forgot.
I need to think of a name, I need to go and have a cig to calm me down and try and come up with something...Hang on...Back in 10 drags...
Got it. A Dred-it, that'll do - I dread to think of any respectible hardresser putting their fine skills to such a do, but it's happening right here in Barca.
I must go and do my homework now - Less of the delay tacticts.
I am home in the UK on the 28th Feb for anyone who gives a damn. Oh, I my new boyfriend will be flyng accross the pond at the end of March. I am so looking forward to meeting him at last! Crazy.

More Vancouver Pics - Sorry It IS Gorgeous Though!

Images From Vancouver

Thanks for Mum's

Happy Valentine's Day.

Even though it is a bunch of shite promoted by Hallmark and the likes it is still great to know someone loves you even if it is only your Mother!
I have just been on the phone to my dear Mother in San Francisco and thanked her for the wonderful package of gifts she had so kindly sent for me. Bless.
I recieved all the things a girl requires on this the day of pampering, hugs and love.

• A lovely 'Daughter' card.
• A tiny metal box containing 4 gorgeous chocs
• 3 Hello Kitty lip glosses in assorted flavours
• Hello Kitty knickers
• 2 pairs of love heart socks (one for trainers and one for boots)
• 2 pairs of tights - mad big holed orange fishnets and pink and red patterned
• Posh night cream ( redirected from my own medicine cabinet in SF - you know the one I will probably never have access to again due to my terrorist status!)
• Make-up bag
• 2 hair bobbles
• My much missed camera charger - which is in action now - ready for me to try and download my Vancouver pictures
• FINALLY 2 bras - 38D from my appartment in the city - which are not mine - but came from my wardrobe (Whos are they I wonder? - straight in bin I must add - What do you think I could fit my melons in them? Still 34 DD actually even though I am a size 10, for the 1st time since I was 13 - hey UK 10 = USA 7 ish)

Mum also sent me my mail which has been sent from my old home in London, to my Grandma's in Yorkshire, to my mother's in San Francisco to ma casa en Barcelona. It seems that my mail follows a similar journey plan as it's recipient. Mental to think that a few credit card statements, reminders to pay off Student Loans and a reminder that a library book was due back in October (not in my hands, I took it out for an aquaintence) have travelled at least 13,000 miles to get to me.

I must moan now and tell my Grandma to stop opening my mail then sending it to the USA for me. I like opening my own mail thanks very much - now half of the modern world know the ins and outs of my finances.

Anyway it is the day of St Valentine - who the heck is that by the way? Anyone know? Anyone bothered? Anyone arguing right now because their boyfriend did not get chocs, flowers, teddys or engagement rings?

I am going out tonight with a Scouse girl from my Spanish class and her Scouse mate, so what ever happens on this day of love, even though I am not with mine I will have a laugh, probably get hammered and wish I had never bothered when I get to school after only 3 hours sleep.

My Monstrously Mountainous Mini Break

Well, I am here to tell the tale of my absolutely brilliant little skiing Saree which I embarked upon this weekend. My wonderful hosts told me a few weeks ago that we would be taking a little trip and I was not sure if it would be in Andorra or somewhere else I have never been to before, and if you look at the pictures below you will see the exact region we went to Baqueira-Beret, which is in the Pyrenees. You know the range which boarders France and Spain? Well you do now.
After finishing Spanish Class, and being told I was to drop back to weeks 1 and 2 instead of progressing to weeks 3 and 4 - probably summat to do with emailing my new man for 3 hours a night instead of learning my verb-i-os; I legged it back to the casa to get my ski essentials packed - you know - shiny pink lip gloss, Prada shades, first aid kit, beer money and thermals. Sarah and I waited for Jose Ramon to get off work and we set off North West of Barca towards the mountains. It was dark so I had only the little bit of Internet browsing scanned earlier in the week to help me gain some idea of the gorgeousness I was missing. Boy was I in for a treat.
The Hotel was called the Apple Tree, and was hotter than the surface of the sun, which made me begin to worry about the next days temperatures, not that it would bother me as I would be remaining vertical all day - surely...Anyway we were tired as it was now 1am. No time for reading the rest of Brideshead Revisited - Does Charles ever get Sebastian into bed I wonder? Don't tell me, don't tell me. I have nearly got to the sex scene.
Breakfast consisted of lots of dead pigs, dead ducks and dead sausages, all very fatty, but good energy food so it was devoured with a few slices of white toast. I must say white bread is all the rage here, such a shame when it took me nearly 2 years to wheen me off the stuff. I digress. I made sure I ate as much as possible because I had heard somewhere that skiing burned off lots of calories. I had about 2k, enough or so I presumed. I hiredski poles and ski, ski, skis - ah yes that's their name. It was only 35 euros for a two day lend and the man measured me with a bit of old wood and an old fashioned shoe measure like one used to get clamped into in Clarks' as a kid. Off sky, ready for the slopes.
I must say the drive was slow, winding and queish. Everyone was planning on taking a little trip to the slopes it seemed, mind you looking round one can not imagine doing anything but. I was a bit perturbed my the numerous foot prints in the snow and was beginning to thing that a Puma, bear or Yettie was gonna grab me if I decided to go off piste. Once we arrived we started the long process of trying to squeeze one's feet into what seemed like fit for dwarfs and midgets feet only ski boots - Squashed, painful and totally unnatural. Now you have to remember my skiing knowledge is limited, well, was and I was absolutely shitting icicles at the thought of hurtling down a slope, covered in ice and snow, which seemed to resemble a very long version of something Eddie the Eagle Edwards may have reluctantly thrown himself down numerous years ago, you know when he was pseudo-cool-chic? It is a good job Jose was there, however he did let me have a go before he taught me the basics. Much to his amusement, I swanked down a vertical drop at 2,500 feet like a screaming banshee with her fingers caught in a car door. He could not stop laughing, especially at my stopping technique which consisted of launching myself sideways onto the snow, past the barriers and with a massive whack to the right hip bone. Nice.
After smacking into a cable car lamp post-type pole, covered in luminous orange padding, loosing a ski and virtually breaking my neck, Jose told me that I had to walk before I could run, or ski like I was on the loo before I could get down the mountain in a speedy manner. All this falling business would have to stop and I would need to concentrate and act like a total beginner before I could try and be a successful skier. He should have really listened to his own advice, as when we were due to miss the last ski lift to the car he decided to take me piggy back stylee with my skis in one hand and his poles in the other down the last slope of the day. Baring in mind the snow boarding gear I had bought on my mini break to Vancouver which turned into a 2 month doss round Europe, was bulky, his clothing was bulky too, the slope was a steep one and I weigh 10 stone all adding up to the word disaster, indeed lead to a huge error, too much speed, not enough control, ploughing into Sarah (who was calmly waiting at the bottom) and causing serious knee injury to the only proper skier in the party. All this and we missed the last lift. Not that the girlies were bothered, we knew we were not to be stranded to fend for ourselves in the bitter cold of the snowy wonderland. Nah, we knew all along that we had out eyelash fluttering technique to hand (waterproof mascara necessary), and got a lift from a ski instructor in his Jeep back down to the car. Sarah drove me back to the hotel so that I could get a well deserved bath and drove her fiancee to the hospital. To cut a long story short he has to have an xray in a week, but the Dr said it's a broken ligament or bone - to be determined once the ultra sound has been carried out.
Shame really as the instructor missed the second day on the slopes, and Sarah and I were left alone to dare to try the rest of the runs. Once I had the fear of God in me I was a sensible novice, got down 3 more runs, only falling once. I only fell once stopped as my little tree trunk thighs would not hold me up any more. This leaves me here now - back in BCN with legs I can not longer control and a walk akin to my dear old Great Grandma Biddy's (Bless Her Soul) who was the ripe age of 100 and walked like Golum off The Lord of The Rings, come to think of it she looked a bit like him in the end too. (Big fat joke). I think she was actually with me over the weekend, my Guardian Angel making sure no harm came to the me - only to the Spics!

Baqueira - Beret The Pyrenees Spain

Site Counter Test

http://www.apollofind.com/search.php" method="post" style="margin:0px;" accept-charset="utf-8">

Search My Site

Site searchWeb search

powered/'>http://www.apollofind.com">Powered by Apollofind.com

My Aunt Sent Me This - Do You Think She's Taking The Piss?

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and me met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said:
You got Male.

CONGRATULATIONS SARAH AND SHANE IN AUSTRALIA

This is the first picture of my friend Sarah and her and her husband Shane's brand new baby girl Shire Day. How gorgeous? I am so brudy right now, this picture brought tears to my eyes. I am so pleased that she was a healthy 7lb 2 oz, with all fingers and toes. How cute are those little bee-stung lips? I have now got an excuse to go out and buy some 'bebe ropas' in the Barcelona sales, which I must say are approaching nearly 80%off - Bargain (not that I would not have paid full price!).

The happy couple live down under in Perth Australia so maybe they will get this message - Shire will probably be having her own by the time meet her! Hope not, well done. Loads of love to you all.

Swept Of My Feet

This is an amaizing tale of how powerful the written word can actually be. With only email as a medium I am falling in love.

My search for a husband maybe coming to an end, because I have found my perfect match. I met a wonderful, sensitive, intuative, kind hearted, intelligent, humorous man on-line and he is coming to Barcelona to sweep me off my feet - or sweep the floor with me (the cynic in me is only for your purpose - I am hooked).

He is pinching himself and I am slapping myself over the face trying to make sense of this sudden and seemingly too-good-to-be-true moment of fate. Something good has finally come around. I was begining to believe that I had no chance of meeting a man who was man enough for me. Well, look no further, he's here. Well, he's not - at the moment he is 3 photographs, over 300 emails and a few phone calls away from reality.

He is 39 years old, divorced, no kids, has lawful employment, lives in San Francisco and is not challenged by height issues - He is 5'11" - or so he says - If he is smaller than me he will not be greeted by my open arms, just me pointing back to the departure lounge at BCN airport. I am so excited, he is flying all that way to meet me. We are both extatic.

My family are really happy for me, which is a first! They must hear it in my voice when I relay how lovely and so right for me he is. My Mum is meeting him before I do for coffee. She wanted to and he asked so I have sealed my own fate! He has prommised however if he does not like her (as if he would not) he will still come here to plant a kiss on my cheek. He said he would swim thorough shark infested water just to get me an ice cold lemonade - so he passed the Dr Laura and Mother test.

The internet is a fantastic way to meet someone for several reasons. The main one for me is one can ask away, any question on any issue; now, when one is speed emailing as we are, one knows that the person on the other end is genuine. One can tell a lot from the written word, especially when emailing someone for 3 hours a day.

For the cinics and critics out there, give me advice, I will listen, but we'll see...

I am the happiest I have been for a long, long time. And if that's all I get out of this affair I will be greatful that it happened to me :-)

Intensive Spanish Lessons Are....

INTENSIVE...

Bloody hell, I am supposed to be learning verbs. How can one do that in an other language when one has difficulties in one's Mother tongue?

I just wanted you all to know I am really happy right now - The sun is shinning in Barcelona, the food and people are fantastic and my hosts are the best.

I am writing because I am avoiding important matters - o, as, a, amos ais, an and all that.

Adios

Missing This

Hello my dear Blogeristas,

How goes it? I wanted to post this picture which was only taken the other week. Yeah, before I became a terrorist threat to my dear and beloved host nation.

I miss the bridge how can one not?

I took this while driving from a friend's to work on a Friday morning, not my usual route into the ofice, but one well worth the additional 30 minute drive. It was taken on my Casio Exlim 5mmp extra suave camera - while I ws doing 60 mph. Pretty impressive eh? Anti shake function working overtime I feel, well worth the extra dollars. I can not however post any pics of my Vancouver trip or any from here in Barcelona as I left my charger at home - Silly me thinking I'd get back inthe door to plug it in before the batteries ran out forever.

Well, due to the wonders of technology I emailed my dear Mother and asked her to send me the dicking station via snail mail - With the Spanish postal service I will probably get it by the time they have invented a cameea which can take pictures without human aid and recharge itself thorough voice command.

A bit about my 1st Spanish weekend. Jose and Sarah took me for dinner with their friends and I had meat for the 1st time in a week. Living with Sarah means vegi-cooking, well, not strickty for me, but it seems daft to make two lots of dinners. So off I went into a meat n greet. Lots of very difficult to remember Spanish names to learn and pleanty of dead animals to devour. I had a Cattalonian specialty of stuffed squid, and a few duck thights with a chocolate sauce. The latter sounds gross, and it was not too hot, never mind at least it helped soak up the vino tinto (red wine for those who have not just took part in their 1st intensive Spanish lesson). This feast took place at 11pm - I am going to have to get used to this - Mind you getting up at noon and having brunch at 4pm aided me when staving off the hunger pains.

Then it was club time. Well, after a house party which consisted of a lot of student types and 3 CD's! Yeah - Jose and his friend Silvia decided since I was away from San Francisco a gay club would be just what I needed. Hummmmmmmm... I did have a fantastic boogie with a dwarf called Oscar, he was very impressed with my Madonna Impression. What is with her new video by the way?

Oh, have you all rushed our and bought the Arctic Monkeys CD? I do not usually go on about tunes on this blog - but it is well worth a mention - Amazon-it now.

Ok have to learn lots of vocab for test tomorrow. I must say I feel quiety confident about these Spanish classes. I know more than I like to portrey, in fact I surprised myself!

Adios.

x

Juanitta Banana (new name here as Jo sounds like Ho - and THAT would not do my rep any good)

PS No spell check - I know I am crap, but why? Oh why can't I get a PC with spell check just once - go on - let something go my way for a change.

Spanish Lessons

Ok, I am going to try and create a link to a word a day in Spanish, you know bit of extra swotting for teacher.
I start my class on Monday and am determined to beat the competition - Won't be hard like as I am one of four in my class!

Bloody typical they had to incorporate Californian residents into my 1st entry! Is this a wind up?

Four Countries in Ten Days

Hola,

Well the long awaited update of my goings ons since I was denyed entry into the soding States. I am actually living at my best friend Sarah's in Barcelona. She offered for me to come and stay for a while until I got sorted visa wise. Which was grand indeed. Well, a friend in need and all that jazz.

What a palava? I flew into Heathrow on Thursday. I eventually got a $700 flight instead of the $3,000 British Airways tried to flog me. Cheek of it, they see a damsil in distress and try to bleed her dry of every last cent! Please excuse any American or Spanishisms, my head is obviously a bit skew-wiff after visiting 4 countries in only 10 days!

USA (San Francisco) - Friday 13th Jan (should have bloody known)
Canada(Vancouver) - Friday 13th Jan - Wednesday 18th
England(London & Leeds) - Thursday 19th - Monday 23rd
Spain (Barcelona) Monday 23rd - Present day.

I have since had several marriage proposals from my Internet dating pals, not much use though because a wedding in the UK would mean that I would have to stay in the cold for two years ie live in the UK. Well, that's what I think, maybe the law has changed? Anyway I would seriously consider marrying for a Green Card. I would pay up to $5k for the pleasure, it would saveme all of the moving about every 90 days. Mind you, when I do eventually get back into my adopted home I am not risking any thing next time. I will stay put until I get a green card. I will not risk this again.

Sarah has just asked me to be bridesmaid at her July 22nd wedding in Harrogate, Yorkshire. I have of course accepted, I am honoured, I would love it. It will be dificult getting in and out of the States if I do ever get back in so I have told her I will have to stay there if I do get back in, thus causing all sorts of dilemas and dramas. Who knows I could still be this side of the pond in 6 months anyway.

I will now try and explain the whole sinario regarding this misfortunate trip around the globe...

I was staying in San Francisco on a 90 day Waiver Visa, and pressumed that I could leave the country after 90 days, then come back and get a new Waiver Visa. So a trip to Vancouver it was. I should have however gone to the Caribbean as initially intended then I would have deffinately been allowed re-entry. As the Caribbean is classed as a seperate country from the USA where as Canada and Meico are not! Since they boarder the USA they are not a seperate country, so when I tried to get back over the boarder (at Vancouver customs) I had actually overstayed the visa I had by 2 days (it ran out on January 15th). Bastard.

I tried to keep my cool during my brief flirtation with the law, a few anger driven tears dripped methodically down my right cheek (well, did not want to mess my mascara up on both eyes!), I sobbed when thinking of my poor mother having to empty my belongings out of my lodgings in SanFran. and jigged my sholders about a bit, in conjunction with the tears. None of this worked, however the Mexican woman at boarder control was gutted for me, she said she knew exactly how I felt (I bet she bloody did). Her supervisor was not so sympathetic.
In fact when he had to explain why Canada was not a country in the eyes of Immigration, an explaination which baffled all listening and would never have made any sense even if George Bush had have tried to explain it! Talking of whom, I had to look at his smug little head when I was being dressed down (big picture of the twat on wall). The Supervisor said "these visas are for people visiting Disney Land Mam, NOT for people wanting to reside near their family". So that told me.

He also informed me that it would not be a problem getting a B2 visa - It would take 5 working days, that all sounded convincing. So I signed a paper stating I was totally unaware of the law regarding this visa, that Canada was not a country (I do not agree but it was better than spending a night in a cell), then promptly dashed out into the foyer of Vancouver airport and started to bawl my eyes out!
I was crying at the thought of staying a night in the aorport, incurring silly costs and not seeing my mum in the distant future.

So here I am - Spain again. I was only visiting saying Sarah and Jose 12 weeks ago. Anyway, nowt I can do now. Keep buggering on I suppose.

USA NO GO

I am stuck in Vancouver airport - The USA immigration denyed me entry back to San Francisco.
I now have to fly back into London to go and sort out a visa. I have a 5.30 flight to Heathrow this evening.
Wish me luck...

They Do Not Pronounce Their S'S IN Vancouver

WE*T COA*T
WEST COAST.
Get it?Well, it is raining hard in Vancouver. I am soaked to the bone, and need to warm up - So I am Blogging away like a loon trying to get my dainty little fingers all warm and cosy again!I have been a lazy bugger today. I was woken up by the maid at 8.30 am, which pee'd me off to no end, because it has become clear in my adult life than a lie in is not something I will ever truly feel the benefit of. I can never manage to lay in bed all morning without having a guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. This morning I felt I deserved it, after all I am on holiday, and my inner thigh bone - You know the one near your privates, is absolutely killing me after a strenuous day on the bike yesterday. Definitely out of practice in the legs akimbo department! Must get round to sorting that out!I have been to China Town for a late luncheon of noodles Singapore style - Bit of curry powder will warm the old cockles up on a day such as this. Then went to the Dr.Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden. That reminds me - I have to eat sushi before I go, it has been highly recommended. This trip was so wet and dark, by the time I'd eaten it was 4.30pm. So the gardens were dank, gloomy and without much florna anf flora to admire due to the season. However I did manage to get lost while wandering through various pagodas and over tiny little bridges. I ended up in the compost heap, a bit premature though - Well Psychic Bianca said I was gonna live to a healthy 80/90. Good guess Batman isn't that the average age we are expected to depart the planet these days?I met two women in the hot tub last night (did I mention I am staying in a suave 4 * hotel), and realised how so many people do not get to travel outside there own back yards. It is crazy but they were Canadians and were going 80 miles to take a holiday. You know we are really lucky us Europeans, with the advent of Easy Jet we can get our arses out of the country in the time it takes these guys to drive down to their nearest big city. They thought I was so brave traveling alone.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Hi,
I am writing from Vancouver - It is 5 degrees c and I am freezing my tits off. However I can ignore this chilly fact as the city is one of the most pristine I have ever been to. It is gorgeous here.
You can not want for more - amazing skyscrapers - mostly apartments, with shiny mirrored glass facades, in many assortments of colours of the rainbow. There is a huge park on the tip of the city and the whole place has a back drop of wondrous snow capped mountains.
I am here for a few days so I can re-enter the USA with a new 90 day stamp in my passport - Keep wondering if they'll let me back though customs - if not I will be back in London Wednesday! I will have become acclimatized to the dreadful cold though - my hands are frozen now typing this.
Anyway I am staying in the heart of the Downtown area at the Sandman Hotel. It is very spacious and pleasant however somewhat cold. I had to wait for the cleaner to do my bed this am - so I could sneak back in and turn the heating back on. There is a pool (which I dare not visit - too cold), and a lovely cafe etc. I have not spent much time in here mind, I have been exploring the city. By bike. No that was not a typo - I have actually rented a bike out for the past 2 days and I must have done at least 6 miles today, just sauntering around the place. I have stopped a million times to take pics, I am sure they will bore the pants of you lot, however I will post some anyway, it's so pretty here. Stanley Park is amazing and it has a Beaver Lake. Did not spot any yet - but there were a few dads showing kids ring-necked ducks of some sort!
I have not seen a Moose to my disappointment. Nor anyone skating about with a long stick in hand.
I did go to a very small theatre to see a one man play called Thom Pain last night - Quite amusing, although the audience did not really laugh - Not getting irony or sarcasm must have been something the Canadians inherited from the Yanks! Any way, the funniest bit was in the bar after - when I was waiting for my cab - Weird I got the same one who dropped me off - by coincidence - but sooooo Vancouverish - Everyone knows everyone - village like in this respect. So now I have a cabbie friend - That's not the funny bit. The funny bit is after the show I was chatting in the bar, and one of the crew asked if I was something to do with The Festival. Being a graduate with a dual degree (PE/Drama Film and TV), of course I guessed that she was going on about the Edinburgh Festival. My sense of humour told me to lie and say "Yah Dahrling", but my moral standing meant I could not tell tales and admitted I was a lone tourist with nowt better to do on a Sat night.
I love being 31 - I would have never gone into a theatre on my own when I was a chicklett. In fact, upon reflection this is the first time I have been anywhere which involves sleeping alone for more than 1 night ever. I did house sit ince for an X at university - But York's hardly a foreign land is it? Well it would be to a Canadian I suppose. Anyway, I digress. The play was great, even though I did not have anyone to share my Crunchy bar with. Yeah they have Cadbury's bars here. AND they are the same as the ones at home. So I have stocked up and would not share the things even if I did have a friend here.
My arse is killing me by the way.
Must be saddle sore... Out of practice I guess!
When I returned my mountain bike yesterday I passed a Psychic's shop and went in. For $40 I was told that some fucker (sorry), yeah some twat has put a spell on me. My cards came out all black and dark and she reckons I have a few people who are jealous and have actually wished bad luck on me. I will have 1 child, although I should be married with 2 kids by now (due to the spell this has not come to fruition), my great grandmother is my angel and is always with me, I have been here before, well my sole has, and I will become preggers in 10 days, 10 months or 10 years. BUT I will not stay with the father - in fact I will never be lucky in love. So I may as well cancel my internet dating subscription then!
I was nearly crying when I came out, until I called mum and she said she'll reverse the spell 'cause she got a spell book for Xmas! So that's sorted then!!!!
She also said I am very kind, but never get any recognition, Sam was no good for me and not to even think about getting back with him, and that I smile always, but this hides more morose feelings. True. But not complaining.
It was all a pitch to get me to fork out a wedge for some candles and a sprig of basil, a 3 day healing programme to rid me of this bad luck inducing spell. I told her I believed in Karma and if I was as kind as she said surely one day my luck would change.
And it did! I walked 2 blocks down the road back to my hotel, and stumbled across The Amsterdam Cafe - Which had a huge neon leaf in the window. So I trotted in, well skipped actually and asked the coffee maker if it was REALLY like the Damage (Amsterdam) I love so much. No it was not, in short - Well even the ever the optimist inside me could not expect my luck to change so drasically in only 2 blocks. No purchasing of the herb just the "OK" to smoke it. Was the rule.
Well, I was not a local so did what I thought best. Joined a table of guys smoking a blunt and introduced my self as the new girl about town with nothing to smoke (poor me). I was seeing double and spouting off a load of old shite before the blunt came back round the circle. I like blunts - never had one - But they do not roll with tobacco here or in the States and I miss the cig bit - A blunt is a cigar leaf which you use like a Rizla and then just add pure weed. Tastes milder than a UK spliff but so much better than the shitty way the Californian's do it. You cannot get a hit off that stuff with out coughing your guts up.
I have been very naughty in Vancouver. I have smoked at least 2 cigs a day since I arrived. Can not kick it as easily as 1st presumed, I must apologies to my bestist Leanne as I have been giving her shit for sneaking the odd cig when I have been on the phone to her. She quits every Sunday! I have gone since the end of June I think it was - But back to square one now!
Anyway, what else can I tell you about Vancouver?
Oh, I may go and have a snow boarding lesson tomorrow. Not got the right attire really - Well, I suppose my parka will do for a coat - even though it's floor length at the tail. I need pants - Trousers - soz been in the USA for far too long - I don't even say knickers anymore, I say pants or underwear, lot easier - mind you shouldn't say owt really just get 'em off as quickly as possible, just in case he changes his mind! Sorry smutty thoughts - Missing my man o' the mo'. (no more on this).
Ok I am off before I say too much - my gob and fingers are running away with me. (does that sound rude?)
Wish me luck weatherwise for the snow boarding - It rained for 28 days in a row just before I arrived. They are gutted they did ot make the record - 29 days. Nutters.

Not Had Much Time Of Late...

Well, well, well. I have been very busy conducting an extreemly important investigation into Internet dating. Is Internet a proper noun? Anyway, I digress, as usual when telling a very interesting and intriguing tale.
Yes. I have been participating in a little quest to try and find a decent single straight male (SSM) in San Francisco. Even though it is a little place compared to London it is not as easy as you think, looking on foot, afterall there are those hills. Yes, just like on the movies. They take a big breath and a lot of stamina to climb, and that is fine when sightseeing but not when looking for a SSM.
So to illiminate a lot of time, breath and hill climbing I decided to join an internet dating site, the biggest for singles in the W.W.W. How much fun can a girl have window shopping for a gorgeous man? Believe you me. A lot. And you who know me. You know a lot's a RIGHT lot! Well, we don't do things by halves up North.
OK so you post a few pics of your self, not too many posy, I'd say 'cause they need to know if you laugh and talk a lot. Not many pictures of me with my mouth closed actually mind you, but I threw a few good ones in. Then you type a profile of your requirements, which in the USA is Car? Income? Allamoney Payments? But for a lass with simple tastes it is must like outdoors, not be allergic to cats - well anything, no white socks with shoes, you know, the usual things.
I decided to find the man of one's dreams one must play the numbers game. It is simple math (s), my friends. So 2 dates a day for about 10 days should do the trick!
Not that easy. 3 Outfits only, because IF any make it past the 1st date they will have to be subjected to the LBD, and you can not wear that on a first date unless you wanna create the wrong impression. (you know, like "shag me brains out now, please".) The extra one is back up. You know what I mean ladies?
You then add a bit about yourself. It does not matter what you write the pics say a lot.
The next stage is various email too and fro - Then meeting up for coffee.
I am thinking about creating an other blog for the diary of events, the end has not been written so I guess you will have to wait...

The Lobster Nipped My Nipple!

Happy New Year.
I am not blogging due to serious amounts of time being spent persuing other activities.
Thanks for reading my blog over the past year. I will be back on form soon.
Jo x