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DEAR ALL YOU MUST LOG ONTO THE ABOVE SITE...
Basically since God decided to make all the angels cry at once I have been spending a lot of time in net cafes - it is cheap and keeps you dry - mind you I think I may have contracted scabies in this place as I have been itching since I got in - Anyway one good thing comes out off all this itching, rain and blogging - I was listening to a geeky guy in this cafe - he had headphones on - not unusual I know - I am usually donning a pair of sweaty God only knows how many scabby gits have worn ´em headphones myself. I could hear him talking to someone through his mike - I had to ask him what the score was and he showed me this site.
It is a FREE way of calling people from your PC - There is a spec regarding memory space and I think you need broadband, however if you log on and sign up and you want to talk to someone else who has registered it is free to call them!
Not only that, if you want to call someone who has not got it (there is a fee) but, if you have an account you pay as you go (ie put credit on your account with your credit card). You only have a price to pay for the country you are calling. Not the country you are calling from eg. If you are in Brazil - Oh lucky me I am, and if you wish to call the USA it is only 1 pence a minute! Which is the same as if you were in the USA calling the USA - and mobile rates are the same!
Get on the site to check it out at least.
I think I will be on it often as it is so hard to call people from this country, I have had full on fights with at least four phone boxes (well big blue pods) on the streets since I arrived. There is no such thing as an operator here and you can only get phone cards that last a second especially calling the UK.
I am finally getting into the technological world, it is weird really as we had just heard of email when I started uni back in 1994! My gosh I know how my gran must have felt when cars were invented - Soz gran I know you are not that old! I know she will be reading this as she is probably more advanced on a pc than me by now - I understand my grandad was having lessons from a very patient man just before Xmas - so he´s probably blogging grandma now!

I HAVE MADE MY MOST REGRETTABLE PURCHASE YET...

AN UMBRELLA!
I can hear the laughter from here - Yeah, yeah, yeah - I bought a brolly today, and I am wearing a full tracksuit - No not a shell my friends but my very suave pink and black number mummy bought me for Xmas. So not only do I have an umbrella but a long sleeved top. It is not 21 degrees f I thought you may be interested in learning that Sarah and I have run out of ideas since we already had lunch and the beach is open for aquatic sports only - Did not fancy footvolley in the rain.
Hence we are now in the net cafe AGAIN - I am getting sick of it in here and must say there is a lack of communication from some of my nearest and dearest (you know who you are). I am currently downloading my photographs onto Fotango.com, which sees to be much better than Picasso - a site I have had it up to here with (imagine hand gesture - hovering above head). So you may be lucky and see some gorgeous gals having the time of our lives - no we have not brought the camera out today.
We are trying to find something to do in the rain - we have contemplated the cinema - but are not sure if the programs are in English, I really wish we could see some sort of cinematic production as I have not seen real TV or a movie for 3 months now. I must say I am even concidering logging onto Corronationstreet.com to see what dear old Mavis is up to - Her life must me worse than the weather in Rio - I need cheering up.
Another activity we contemplated was bowling - Now I have never thought myself as the bowling sort, even when I lived opposite a bowling alley, so why in heaven´s name I would want to do that here?
What are girls best at? Boys please no posting re this matter! Shopping. Sarah and I seem to be quite knowledgeable in this field and have spent an hour or so browsing in beauty shops comparing prices. Did you know for example Lancolm is 3 x as much as here than it is in the UK and this means 6 x as much as it is in the US. Thrilling reading I bet - Now, most of you have probably logged off - I can tell you what I really think of all you sad miserable gits.
While I watch the rain I remember home, it is 14 weeks since I was last in the garden of England, Kent, in my own garden, desperately trying to do the weeding before I flew to California - and I must say I am wondering how my climbing Jasmin and rose pagoda are fairing up in the winter storms... Well, if you can here me my little dolls - mummy will be home to prune you in the spring.

Iguassu Falls

Ola, my blogster buddies - I am just letting you in on a secret...IF YOU EVER WANNA SEE A WATERFALL GET YER BUMS TO ARGENTINA TO SEE THE FOZ DU IGUAZU. Or Iguassu Falls to us mere foreigners.
Sarah and I have been in heaven - We flew from Rio to Foz Du Iguazu on Monday morning and it was hammering it down - All be it sub-tropical hammering - Which is akin to the usual wet stuff except it is hot rain and one is not frowned upon for wearing bikinis and plastic ponchos!
For $35 between us we stayed in a 4 star hotel 400m from the National Park on the Brazilian side of the falls. The place was clean, had a pool, shovel loads of hectares of gorgeousness and a tennis court. Not to mention the bar, restaurant, pool room movie room and massage parlor. Mind you it still smelt like our apartment - which I have changed my mind on now - making a comparison to a boy´s locker room was a gross understatement. The smell is urine - I think they have toilet hygiene inadequacies in this country. But it did not put us off - and as far as all the hotels facilities went - we frequented the bar and restaurant only!
I would have blogged from there however the lady in the pc room had a thing for Americans - IE severe disliking, and put me in the North American´s and how to act like a complete B with them sector; hence was completely unhelpful and I had to leave the shop before she knew for sure I was a Northerner (only Northerners will get this - Scottish kiss comes to mind).
Monday was filled with excitement as we boarded the bus through the sub-tropical rain forest - which was slightly ruined by a huge pink hotel slap bang in the middle - however needs must. It was 4 quid to get in which was a bargain, but the rain put a total dampener on it and we had restricted views. However my friends, we did not let this put us off - I have about 5 cigs a caffe con leche and a few mins on their email (one in which the lady behind the desk was very courteous and did not mind taking mucho dinero from me). Hey are you impressed with my Portish (Portuguese come Spanish)?
Anyway, the falls were amazing - Loads of photo opportunities - even stretching the limitations of my Memory Card - but worth it if only for sheer - ´show and tell´ tales for mates upon my return!
But the best day was Yesterday, we got ourselves on a tour of the falls on the Argentinean side as soon as we had landed and was a bit dubious once we had booked as to what exactly safari tour, forest walking, lunch and power boat ride would entail - especially since we had only paid about the same as we would for a few loaves and fish in Safeways for the pleasure. ´
Sarah´s main concern was the lunch aspect, as she´s a vegi and the Argentinean´s are known for their liking of BBQ fodder.
We started the trip in a rickety old van with 2 Israelis and 2 Italians. No English was spoken for the 30 min trip to the park however Jo´s secret weapon of understanding a multitude of languages - (well, when it comes to niceties and asking for lighters and ashtrays), came in handy and I managed to amuse myself silently. Yeah right you scoff - No honestly I kept it shut for 30 mins. Please consult Norris McThwerter on that those who have absolutely bugger all else to do.
Back to it - I have already had complaints these things are too long - I can not help it - there is more to yak on about here than there is in any country where you have to work right now!
Ok, OK, I am back on track.
Safari Trip - excellent talk on flora and fauna (insects if u did not know cause I did not and I am a gardener).
Boat Ride - wicked - went on a speed dinghy - with about 20 people - baptism of water under one of the minor falls and a right old laugh with the driver after. Bikinis and life vests are not a good combo - Just a tip - try and avoid this at all costs - chaffing not v nice.
Sub Tropical walk - fantastic - saw loads of weird animals - lizards, turtles, raccoon thingies, something else I will have to refer my hand book on to recall the name of and loads of beautiful butterflies.
Finally - The falls - Diablo Falls, Argentina, is by far the most amazing thing I have ever seen, well, apart from Brad Pitt in Troy (that is actually a lie as I have not seen that movie - comic effect - permissible?. Hey is it true about Brad and Jen by the way? Kinda loosing touch here as there are NO English written papers etc.
So all in all we had a super duper trooper time and I would recommend the trip to anyone - as many of my traveling buddies have sang before - One of the 7 modern wonders of the world in fact, second highest falls in fact, still smells of pee though!

Blanket of Cloud!

There has been a blanket of cloud over our beach (Note I have claimed this small patch of Paradise as my own) since Monday and to tell you the truth I am not happy. Although my sleeping has digressed to my student days and my eating and toilet habits are back to normality I am slightly peeved at the lack of sun. Now I know most of you are drudging through snow back in Blighty and the days have no day light what so ever (my small violin plays just for you)- The most annoying aspect of this dreary gloom which has descended on us is that it is still too hot. Too hot and no tan to show for it - merely loads of sweaty towels, sheets and socks - Our apartment has a strange boys locker room smell to it and we have a cleaner on a Monday so are not inclined to do any house work ourselves in order to appease the situation. Plus no boys have been anywhere near the place so we are getting slightly paranoid now.
We did have a few hours on the beach yesterday however. Even though our white bits are as big as the goal mouth in a Subutio football pitch we are not happy that the white bits are no longer hugely contrasted with our brown bits if you get my drift. So even though it had been thundering only hours before we decided to brave the beach. Imagine this - Sarah laying on her tummy in the sand face down in sarong with no sand on her whatsoever. Me sitting up in a deck chair (one which reclines - we are in Rio dharlings) which is my new mode of sunbathing as I can not be trusted laying down especially when sand keeps interfering with my I-Pod. It is all calm around us - even the vendors have stopped chanting their usual mantra ``Matte, Limon, Coco, Coca Light``, suddenly the heavens open and we sit there,, well, for a minute until we pinch ourselves and realize - yeah it is as wet as a Wednesday in Wigan!
Sarah made a run under a brolly and I placed my sarong over my head until the rain passed. This happened once more - then we resigned ourselves to the fact no more tanning today and went to our favorite haunt Felicia - cafe come ice cream parlor and had an ice cream cocktail. Mine was called Sophia Lauren, which refreshed my glamourous side and I was nearly restored to my former self - Even if my fringe was slapped down onto my forehead and the pink dye from the sarong was dripping down my legs.

Would you Adam and Eve it?

I was standing outside a bar in the rain - yes laugh - the actual humorous side of this was I was wearing my beautiful crease free white cotton trousers - for the first time since I packed them on October 15th, which are usually worn with chunky monkey wedge heels and therefore needed turn ups the size of a 2 story house to accommodate my Birkenstocks. Anyway - these have been soaking in the shower for 2 days now and still have inches of black street scum all over the temporary hem - If I ever do wear them again with wedges this scum ring will come up about knee height. Why cann´t I have anything decent? That is a whole new blog.
Back to the point which is what? Oh yeah - sorry I must digress again - the man in the net cafe who takes all your cash in return for a few minutes of electronic communication has just fallen off his chair - in such a manor John Cleese would have been proud of - I am grunting like a pig - apt really as I am wearing pigtails today.
OK - would you Adam and Eve it (American readers this is Cockney rhyming slang for believe)? I was standing in the pouring rain - Not waiting for Jesus or Jane as LLoyd Cole once put it - but waiting for an Irish guy who had befriended us in the cafe and wanted English speaking companions for one night, as his Portuguese was non existent and he had heard me ranting and raving on the telephone and obviously knew a good crack when he heard it! He was called either Frank or Jerry anyway this is not important as he stood us up - Cheek of it! Mind you my parting words to him when arranging a time to meet were ´´You know you have no chance of getting off with either of us!´´, so maybe he had imagined an evening listening to two Yorkshire lasses ranting on while he supplied a constant flow of drinks with no end result if you get my drift.
Right - I am there now - the point of this blog - While waiting for Frank Jerry, Jerry Frank a man asked me if I was Jo? ´´Yes´´ - I timidly replied! - Well he continued with the fact he was a friend of a friend of mine from A´level college and he had been told to look out for a Northerner with big boobs. You can imagine my surprise as they have shrunk and are merely a shadow of their former selves - as you know from previous posts - So this encounter made my day - My bosoms are still ample enough for a complete stranger to recognize me on this ´´pointer´´ alone.

Gosh is it Wednesday Already?

Ok cultural time now - I will not bore you with intimate details of my day in the cultural centre of Rio - Simply tell you a little about the places of interest I have visited - it was not all fun because today I must admit I was not too happy about carrying my Sony 5 million mega pixel, movie maker camera around - even if it was in a plastic bag. It was a necessity however as the architecture and decorations were something else - Well, when one compares them to the sights we have seen lazing on the beach -ie vendors (must elaborate on these little monkeys one day). Yes - we were now aware why the guide book´s and fellow traveler´s hollered constant warnings of ´´Don´t look to touristy´´. Basically we stuck out like a Koala Bear in the Antarctic - We were SO British - Sarah disagrees with this point - stating she´s more Scandinavian (well, don´t they travel too?) and I could pass for a local now I am as brown as that Magic Ice squeeze on ice-cream topping we used to get as kids.
The street people´s interpretation of our appearance seemed to shout out TOURISTS - Especially when we were seen reading a 10´ squared Rio Map - (and that was only on a scale of 1´´ to a mile - Rio is gigantic). A local lady, who´s name I did ask but immediately forgot as it was not Mary or Lucy came up to us as we sat with this monstrosity of a map spread fully open while squinting for the street we were on - that was after we strained to locate a street sign amid the maddening rush of of busses, taxis and mad-peddlers (delivery boys) on their coal cart-type bikes. She said ``Tourists put map down and tell me where you go?``, beauty - we had it made in the shade (shade of the map that is - there is no actual shade in this city)- she took us to our place of interest - Which was the Theatro Municipal, and that´s the cultural pinnacle of our trip today. If you are interested I am sure they have a web site - I have decided to keep all the details of my interpretations of this wonderful place to myself - well, I cannot let you have all the content of my future book for free can I?

OK Keep Your Hairs On

All you Brits complaining on email about why I have not written for a while? I don´t know - Keep your hair on - Well - there´s no need for waxing in Winter is there girlies?
It´s hard in heaven getting up off my lazy bum and coming to these disease ridden net cafes to type a blog - I know I leave to gasping for more - but what can I say - Just hope you feel that way about my book - and snap up 10 copies each once it´s published - When ever that will be I do not know - The rate I am going a snail with dyslexia could do better!
Anyway - one word of advice to any 3rd world would-be travelers - Bring that liquid hand sanitizer with you - The things I have seen people doing on their keyboards in these cafes leaves absolutely nowt to the imagination - Most bars and resaurants have bins for loo used loo roll so you do not flush it away - Hummmm hope you are not reading this while eating your breakfast while pretending to do work at your desks!
The past few days have been a bit cloudy - Ah well, gave us an opportunity to look in all the wonderful shop - Unfortunately only Sarah could afford the dresses and jewels I kept admiring - In fact she has just come back from the jewelers with a beauty Blue Topaz ring - really snazzy and gorgeous. If only me the poor landscape gardener would have trimmed a few more bushes before I left blighty.
We were supposed to go up the Christo statue yesterday - but we were running around like flies of the blue assed variety trying to get Sarah a flight to Peru.
Oh - while I'm on that point - I am slowly reading (as not to finish my book too soon and have to depend on only News Week for English language stimulation) Che Guevara´s Motor Cycle Diaries - which is quite apt for Sarah - as she will be continuing her 6 month trip to Peru and Argentina after I depart back to the States on the 12th Feb. and that´´s where he is at present (in the book of course) freezing his Nads off up Mount Pitchy Pooh Pooh - that reminds me of my last Blog but I won´t elaborate - Oh - well, if I must...
Update on Loo Situation.
All good - after eating properly for the 1st time in 2 weeks - I will give you a quick run down..
Irish Breakfast in The Irish Bar of all places - this constituted of American bacon (yeah - poor substitute I know), butter beans in a weird home made sauce, fried egg, fried bread, sausage and fried tomatoes. cost 2.50 GBP
Then for dinner in Pedra Arde - fillet Mignon, jacket potato with lashings of sour cream, salad and a bloody Mary - cost 5.00 GBP.
So Russell - you were correct in your comments about too much water - juice and salad - I did not read your advice on not eating for 2 days and drinking Imodium - Not that I would have taken it anyway - I needed real food - Red meat and what ever it is they can have the balls to call what they squeeze into sausages these days.
Well, I am off now - to the centre of Rio - Ohhh scarey - our first time into the old cultural part of the city - If I never blog again - you know I have been ambushed al for the sake of my digi-camera.
I will be posting pics soon by the way - It takes lots of time and expert pc knowledge to do this- I have neither - So laters,
Jo

Can Anyone Help Me?

Dear All,
I have a mad triangular red rash at the base of my spine, now it could be prickly heat but it does not itch and my skin is not burned (any more that is - the whole of my back has peeled since I burned on day 2!). I am also suffering from diarrhea - Now don't laugh this posting is not of the usual candor - IE I am not trying to make anyone laugh - merely trying to gain medical advice. I have been eating salads (yeah - I know worse thing to eat in 3rd world country) and drinking copious amounts of water - fruit juices etc. I have had this rash for a day and the toilet probs since I arrived on the 4th Jan. I have had Hep B, Yellow fever and another injection - cannot remember the name now - as it is late and I have exhausted al energies on the beach - yet again - (Well, actually I went to the launderette too so did something constructive) - So any of you traveling types had this rashy thingie?
I also know for a fact no mossys have bitten my flesh as I have been spraying that stinky Deet induced spray on for weeks now - No change of letting the French perfume getting any recognition - I smell like a clinic in fact.
Humm - I did drink sangria last night and that is the 1st glass of anything involving Brazilian so-called wine - could that be it?
Email comments to me directly if you are too scared to post anything on here
harperjo@gmail.com
Meanwhile - I met a bead seller on the beach called Claudio Suarez Jimenez and he wants to take Sarah and I on a flat topped mountain with a Sphinx to meditate. Could that be a chat up line or is he really into meditation? Humm - I am not sure but bought a pair of ear rings from him any how - I will keep you informed on that one. Gotta go - Need to look up rashes on the net.
Late x

Why are there so many Poodles in Rio?

Does any one have an answer for this question?
So much muscle yet very small dogs? I wonder. Seen loads of Yorkshire Terriers as well - Shame no one has any idea what I am saying when I try to tell them that I am from Yorkshire! Never heard of the pudding here either. Shame 'çause they love their puddings - see ém on every street corner.
I was nearly washed away into the Atlantic today - got half the beach in my bikini bottoms as I tried to look cool and non-touristy while catching a few waves. Very harsh wave conditions. Is it a back lash from the Tsumai (or Toon Army as I refer to it).
Saw my first real beggar kid while eating my posh salad tonight - He was a little tubby guy about 10 years old trying to flog me chewing gum - I gave him a few lettuce leaves and croutons instead of the 1 Reis he was after - he seemed to enjoy them though - much better than wasting it on Merrydown and Thunderbirds!
Thanks to all for sending me email - I do miss the daily dredge of work and gail force winds back in the UK. You can post comments though - Mind you I don't really think the world wide web has adjusted to me yet - never mind the obscene posts my dear friends would write - Off to Bed now - Have serious tanning tomorrow - I am not as black as I intended after 9 days in tropical climes - so I need to get into serious tanning mode.
Tarra.

Not Beach Weather

Hi,
Even the hardiest of sun worshipers can not bask in the delights of the Brazilian sun today or yesterday - The temp dropped to 25 ish and we have had thunder storms the past 2 nights - However that did not put a holt on the fun frolics we have become so accustomed to creating.
Sarah and I bused it to an Amazonian Tribal Indian reenactment museum yesterday and had a laugh playing with feather head bands and mud huts - did not make any mud pies though - Too much to ask in broken Portuguese.
Then went to a museum which was the original home of Rui Barbosa - who was once exiled to the UK - there fore there was a lot of English antiquities - Anyway that was a tad boring compared to our little soiree we went on this arvo.
We went to H Stern museum of diamonds. After waiting outside for some handsome eligible to get down on one knee - to no avail - we braved the sales women of the store and tried on a few aquamarines and diamond rings - just for a laugh. Mind you Sarah seemed pretty interested - She must have a lot of cash stashed in her thong - I did wonder what the huge bulge in her pants was!
Talking of stashing cash - I have had to wear socks today as I had to make a withdrawal from my account before the mortgage co back in the UK ate up all my dough - so have taken to stashing it in my socks - I look like I have those stupid ankle weights on.
I also got fitted for a bra today - I have to tell you all as those who know me will be pissing them selves in disbelief - but I have no boobs - they have disintegrated - sweated away most likely - I am a medium - MEDIUM what the hell is that. Gutted to say the least - My pride and joys are no mas. None of my bras fit and I am now wearing a no wired child like bra top. Leanne....Don´t order me too much material for the brides maid dress I will be wearing in April.
I have shrunk in all departments - shame my hairy legs are still producing vast amounts of thick black hairs - wish the same was for my head - spotted 2 more grays this morning.
What is is with turning 30? I found gray hairs on my head - a black hair on my belly - boobs have shrunk and don´t have the taste for beer anymore.
I will be writing a whole chapter on this in a few days - I feel like that sap from Sex In The City writing about this but it is concerning me.
Oh Mum - thanks for the tip on dying my tash with bleach before I came away - Glad I did don't have time with all the frantic packing´cause you will be glad to hear that it´s now blonde from the sun.
In fact Mother where are your comments? - you obviously have stopped all the frantic worrying about me being in Brazil as I have not had a dicky bird from you. And when I did manage to call you from one of the million unreliable call boxes in this town - you asked if you could call me back ´cause you were cooking dinner!!!
Anyway - Life goes on I am off do have a drink now - It´s thirsty work being in these cafes for hours. Hope all is well in the land of Blighty i understand the sun has not been out for a few months. Never mind - Ihope my Blog can take you to warmer climes!
Peace and love (yeah right - party on)
Jo

On the Road Again

It looks like we have not had too much influence on our Italian Mafioso contact Riccardo. He has an uncle staying in the apartment (his mother said he could and I guess you don´t say no to a mama) we have been in for the past 2 nights so we are on the move again. Well, we are traveling aren´t we? I did not expect to be moving to a third apartment already and the distance traveled is about 3 miles total!!
Anyway, we have found some place from the Globo Classificades. It´s rented out by a Brazilian Del Boy (only UK readers will know who this guy is - but he´s from a Brit comedy called Only Fools and Horses), but instead of the Grecian 2000 black look - he has a ginger tinge. He seems ok, his name is Louis- and the place has a Cocopabana/Ipanana sea view - even if it is restricted by a decrepit old concrete jungle and a few palm trees.
We are moving there tomorrow - I am not amused at the packing and unpacking of my very Vogue rucksack, gosh, everything´s getting so creased! We will be staying there for about 4 weeks - with a trip to Iguassu falls inbetween and lots of Rio touring.
Pooh - only got 5 mins left so I will leave you.
Make comments you sad lot, I like a bit of feed back - Hope I am not boring the pants off anyone.
If I am you are only jealous.
Jo x

ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

Yippee I have spent my 1st day on the beach. I am already blacker than a stick of liquorice. I refuse to wear my bikini like the locals - They seem to have very hungry bottoms and because topless is forbidden the triangle-tops are as big as a ten bob bit!
It´s only been 31 degrees today and there has been some tropical rain- but that evaporates before it gets a chance to get one wet - so nothing like the British sludge I am used to.
Got in the best part of the city now- with our new found mafiosa contact Riccardo - He´s letting us have his appartment in the posh area of Ipanama which is not too different from Bond St London. Spotted a beauty diamond shop/cafe called H Sterne - Not to be confused with the great American shock Jock. So I reckon I will be crying over all the wonderful jewels I cannot afford tomorrow.
I am dying to get up Cristo statue - you know the one on top of the hill overlooking the city? I am feeling the Catholic in me reaching in that direction - maybe I need to say a few prayers to stop me getting sunstroke!
I must just add after a day on the beach I have NEVER seen so many gorgeous bodies belonging to both men and women. How packed? There are gyms on the beach and Volley ball and Footvolley seem to be the normal routine for the locals - even on their lunch box... I mean breaks!
No Brits though - not that I am complaining. After a few months in California I think I have had a lot of the British attitude knocked out of me. It is really refreshing to learn about new culturesand here they worship the sun and love to shake their booties. For those who know me will know that suits me right down to t´ ground.
They have mad restaurants called Killogramas where you select what you want from a massive buffet and then weigh the plate to determin the price. You´ve guessed it - I have eaten 2 tonne of lettuce!
Ok Back tomorrow - gotta make a call.
No comments on the spelling errors - I can not find spell check.

Moving Beaches

After 3 nights in Cocpacobana we are moving to a beach caled Ipanena which is about 3 miles south of our original spot.
When in an Italian place for dinner last night we got talking to a waiter who said his boss had a flat for rent. So Sarah and I have been for a look this evening and it's perfect for us. It's ten quid each a night and has a security guard on the door, plus cameras everywhere.
Not that the place (Hotel Santa Clara www.hotelsantaclara.com.br) is not too bad - but the street to the beach is a bit suspect. You can not carry a bag of any sort. This is very hard for me - I mean there's only so much loose change my bikini bottoms can hold!
My Birkenstocks have been a life saver - but after the blister I got from walking home on NYE I am hurting a wee bit - The sand keeps getting stuck in the huge blister crater I have on my pinkie.
I am speaking American now - My head is full of languages - and I fear when I get back I am gonna have lost my accent. Never I hear you cry - you can take the lass from Yorkshire but you can not take Yorkshire from the lass. Well, believe - No one even the English speakers understand me - so I am having to talk like a demented elocution teacher. My grandma will be pleased!
Still not got any toilet problems - I know that may be a bit too much information - But somepeople are interested in my bathroom habits since i generally don't shut up about them. Anyway the Dr got me all worried and gave me six pills for $36 that means I am in for some serious trouble.
Oh - I have never seen ants as big. Thought you'd be interested in that.
Good bye - I will try and get on line tomorrow - however there is some serious thong wearing to be done, gotta compete with the locals!

Rio De Jo Jo

Right I have been here since Tuesday and it´s been so hot that I have only just been acclimatized to this searing heat - It´s 85 all day and night - Not been attacked by any mossys yet however I am still using the stinky deet stuff the Dr recommended. Plus I got an amazing cadged which omits a piercing (to mossy ears only) sound which u switch on and pop nr the window. So please do~´t taint my British flesh. I know they can not wait to get their prongs into me!
For those who know me I am not a particularity good speller - and have not the time or inclination to do a spell check AND it´s in Portuguese on this web site so I have no clue how to do anything.
Copacabana Beach Rio is lovely - Yesterday Sarah (best mate from school) and her Spanish visitor Jose (don´t ask!) went up Sugar Loaf Mountain - about 500 ft (I think - sorry won´t be getting any Lonely Planet reward points for my accuracy). We went up on cable car then decided to walk half way back down - We were surrounded by jungle and weird jungly noises. Desperate to see a monkey we walked slowly, fell down quietly and watched patiently. Nada Monkeys. Except for my fantastic reenactment of a monkey; by placing a blade of grass between my thumbs and blowing, hard. Now that got Sarah and Jose in a state of panic. I had crept off in front and began to make screeching noises. I wish it was viable to carry a camera ´cause it was deffo a Kodak moment!
Ever seen the old Johnny Weissmuller Tarzan movies? Well eat your heart out Tarzan, Jozan the great mastered the art of swinging from those dangly long branches that hang down in all the right places. I had fun swinging about in the jungle and am planning a big jungle trip for next week.
I hate not being able to carry any valuables - Noone had handbags and you have to wear granny knickers to be able to conceal all the notes you need.
It´s really cheap - $2 for lunch, bargain. But I have not found anything resembling steak yet - I did eat some meat this arvo - But it could have been a homeless mans upper thigh for all I know. Tasty though!
I will be doing the blog thang as often as I can tear myself away from the beach. So KIT.
Late,
Jo xx